Smokey Quartz 3:
Where are you self-serving in you life? Explain.
Everything I do is self-serving. Even my benevolent actions towards others are attempts to make myself feel better about myself.
I don't know what I need in life from one minute to the next. I have had monetary success, all of the sexual attention any man could desire, loving friends and family. I could easily fall into self-hatred just to think about all of my blessings, and how I am almost immediately discontent.
It makes me humble. I look deeply into the eyes of every person I meet, and this too I see as self-serving. I look to see them see me. I look always with the arrogance that I have a wisdom and a grip on life that could inspire them. I continously ride this bravado.
It is all an illusion I cast. In reality, I am nothing without the steady flow of love from all people and things. I am self-serving to such a degree that, especially when I was younger, I would do almost anything to feel 'loved'.
These days, having failed at both marriage and true love, I am quite alone. I have no one around willing to play my game, and so I realize profoundly the extent of my selfishness. I realize the amount of negativity and despair that I have created for myself that I am afraid to rise above.
It is kicking my ass -- who am I? Where is happiness to be found? Is there anything that can be done about anything at all? I am left only with these hard questions that I must answer and execute if I am to feel better. I am very sad tonight.
Everything I do is self-serving. Even my benevolent actions towards others are attempts to make myself feel better about myself.
I don't know what I need in life from one minute to the next. I have had monetary success, all of the sexual attention any man could desire, loving friends and family. I could easily fall into self-hatred just to think about all of my blessings, and how I am almost immediately discontent.
It makes me humble. I look deeply into the eyes of every person I meet, and this too I see as self-serving. I look to see them see me. I look always with the arrogance that I have a wisdom and a grip on life that could inspire them. I continously ride this bravado.
It is all an illusion I cast. In reality, I am nothing without the steady flow of love from all people and things. I am self-serving to such a degree that, especially when I was younger, I would do almost anything to feel 'loved'.
These days, having failed at both marriage and true love, I am quite alone. I have no one around willing to play my game, and so I realize profoundly the extent of my selfishness. I realize the amount of negativity and despair that I have created for myself that I am afraid to rise above.
It is kicking my ass -- who am I? Where is happiness to be found? Is there anything that can be done about anything at all? I am left only with these hard questions that I must answer and execute if I am to feel better. I am very sad tonight.
posted by Just Greg at 9:37 PM
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